I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
