Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
