A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
