whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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