3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
