I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize