Moan for me like Helen Keller
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Terrible idea I love it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
