why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
