you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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