Duck Duck Cougar?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
