Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
