I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
