I got chris browned last night
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize