is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
