he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
