They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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