Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize