You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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