it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
