im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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