HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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