Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
