Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
