She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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