My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
