K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize