he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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