PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
