maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
