I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize