my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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