I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
