is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
