I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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