I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
