Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
