saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
