i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
