I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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