Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
