i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
