another moral hangover. fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
