dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
