I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
