there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
