and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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