getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
