OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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