Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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