Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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