I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
