The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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