Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
