I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
