i permit you to call me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
