she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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