Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
