I think i peed on brittanys purse
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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