He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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