I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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