May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
