By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
