Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
