and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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