My sheets look like a crime scene.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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