I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
