I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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